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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!

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• (863): View more from Florida

  If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

  Fav 19 2590 7217

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.

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• (718): View more from New York

  Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.

  Fav 2 883 802

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• (727): View more from Florida

  This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"

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