dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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