I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
