You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
