VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
