By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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