Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
