Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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