He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
