Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
