I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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