im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
