I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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