He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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