just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
