My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
