how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
