your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
