I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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