my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
