I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
