How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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