He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
