she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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