guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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