all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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