You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
