Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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