Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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