Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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