i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
