LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
