Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
