Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
