i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
