He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
