You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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