addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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