i permit you to call me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
