He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
