I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
