The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
