what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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