Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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