MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
