YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
