Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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