Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
