Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
40s are totally the cure
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
