its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
