i always forget guys have bellybuttons
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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