I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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