I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think i got beer on your cat.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
