Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
