Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
