I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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