....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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