If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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