Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
