I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
