i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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