I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
