just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
