I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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