Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
