We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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