Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All the doctor said was why
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
