She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
