It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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