I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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