Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
