Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
