so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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