so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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