You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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