can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
