I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
