Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
