i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
