Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
