1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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