I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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